Painkiller or vitamins - which do you choose as a leader?
“ You can choose between a painkiller or vitamins!” – that’s what a leader said when I was sharing ideas with him earlier this year. And he was talking about coaching and development programmes. And I completely agreed.
But which is the right choice? There can be many reasons for a leader to work with a coach, and none is inherently superior or more “correct” than another.
Let me share my thoughts on these two perspectives – and suggest a few things you might try for yourself.
PAINKILLER – when you’re stuck
You may have run aground on something that didn’t turn out as you expected. Perhaps there’s been a breach of trust and tangled emotions are clouding your judgment and hampering your ability to make good decisions – for yourself, your team (or family), or whatever you’re responsible for. A major, solid roadblock, which can manifest as:
Anger at those who have let you down, wearing away at relationships
Guilt causing you to doubt your own abilities
Withdrawal as a protective mechanism, hindering your visibility as a leader
So what’s needed is very much an “acute painkiller”. Create clarity. Sort out what is fact and what is opinion – and what is happening emotionally. It may not require many conversations, but they need to happen quickly so that you can surface again, catch your breath and take action.
You might think that’s a bit short-term. Perhaps. But if your coach can act like a kind of holistic SWAT team, then in my view it’s absolutely worth investing in another perspective when there’s a lot at stake.
The focus must be on thoughts, mind-set and language – and on what’s happening emotionally. In high-pressure situations our nervous system will do everything to protect us and what matters most to us. But it can be operating on false assumptions or old patterns that no longer serve you.
Things you can do yourself:
Reflect on what is fact and what is opinion in the situation – hard work; most of what we perceive is subjective interpretation
Regulate your nervous system – for example by practising slow, controlled breathing
Identify which actions and conversations will move you forward
We can even imagine this happening repeatedly… And you’ll likely begin to learn and spot patterns even as we work on the acute issue. And when the waves have calmed somewhat, that can be the start of a longer-term process focused on your personal development – because you’ve chosen it.
VITAMINS – eat your greens…
There are various models in the personal-development literature showing how we evolve in maturity and perspective, eventually becoming open to the transformative.
Maturity stages on the leadership journey
“ My deal or no deal” – it’s me or nobody (yes, for example, him…).
“ Our group” – community, loyalty, diplomacy.
Expert level – professional pride and competence.
Achiever stage – results and ambition centre stage.
Each level has its merit – and you can grow through them.
The big transformative leap can happen when you begin to sense that there must be “something more”. You quietly question what is, or sense something “scratches” – the way you’ve been working and living no longer feels right…
You consider whether there might be another path and something “more” – if you let go of worries and old assumptions, and dare to learn something new about yourself.
This is where it makes sense to think of coaching and personal development as “vitamins”. It’s about moving from something that is good to something that transforms you and unleashes your potential at a completely different level. You seek meaning, a more authentic leadership style, greater creativity, and presence with those who matter to you.
It’s also about gradually gaining more self-awareness and finding a practice for ongoing generative learning in your personal development.
And transformative change takes time – as you may have read in my previous newsletter. (LINK)
Things you can do yourself:
Mindful reflection: Set aside 10 minutes each day to note your thoughts and feelings.
Questions that open up possibilities: Use prompts such as “What becomes possible when I let go of anger/fear/indifference?” to explore new courses of action.
Ongoing feedback rituals: Invite those closest to you to open feedback conversations at regular intervals – to learn
Personal learning project: Choose a new area (e.g. leadership style, creativity or storytelling) and commit to mastering a specific tool or approach.
From wisdom to action
What words first come to mind when you think “painkiller” in relation to yourself and your leadership?
What words do you associate with “vitamins” in relation to your development?
Please feel free to share your words in the comments, and let’s start a conversation.
👉 If you’re curious about combining an acute SWAT-style intervention with transformative development, please book a no-obligation conversation for mutual reflection with me.
Enjoy your reading and happy reflecting!